The "Talk" X's 4

I was listening to a little Eric Church the other day when his song "two pink lines" came on. Well, inspired again! It really got me thinking about the "period talk."

As I have said or most of you know, I have 4 daughters. I don't get to have the period talk just once......it's 4 times! My mother did NOT give me the talk and I see why! I will never forget the horrific day I got my period. I was 15, riding the school bus, wearing white pants! WHY DOES A PERIOD ONLY COME ON WHITE PANTS DAY :'( At any rate, the only good thing to come from this story is that I was riding the bus home for the day. However, the maximum occupancy of a school bus is like 87 people or so and on that day I wish I rode the short bus! I only sat in the back of the bus....which meant I had to walk to the front of the bus with what once were bright white now spotted pants on. This I tell you is devastating to a 15 year old child. I ran in the house, called my mother at work and said "thanks a freaking lot, you've ruined my life!" I'm pretty sure that is not the 1st nor the last time I told her that. (Suddenly, I am starting to understand my teenager)

So, to prevent ruining my own kids lives I sat my oldest daughter down at the age of 9 (because I had no idea what the appropriate age was to do this) and honestly I really thought this talk would be a whole lot easier than it was.I was so embarrassed. My face was beat red, I was sweating, and I couldn't help but breathe like I was hyperventilating. I will never forget this day, or how I worded it.

"Ok, sweetie.....we need to have a talk. What I am about to tell you is going to be shocking and cause you to have a lot of questions. As you know, you're getting older. You're body is going to go through some changes.....very drastic changes. You will start getting skeeter bites. Wait, wait......not skeeter bites like you're not gonna get bit please don't freak out. It's just my way of saying booooo.....um brea....ummmmm....how do you scare a bee? BOO-BEE! Yep, you're gonna get boo-bee's. Ummmm also, you will start getting really emotional. You will probably cry a lot. Throw things. Slam your door, Yell at everyone you see, cry some more and, just keep crying. But, this is all for a reason. You're gonna get a period" Mom?What? Ok, please let me finish this is hard enough without you interrupting me! You can ask questions later. "It's called a period. It means you will bleed from the area of privacy.....oh God, I don't mean like bleed, bleed like gush, gush I mean like a coffee pot drip. You will have to wear something to catch the drip ya know. They are called pads. This will happen every month for about 5-7 days and basically, this is all part of a change your body goes through to prepare itself to have children. OK? Do you have any question? and came the awkward silence...................................................ok, I am gonna go then. Talk to ya later!     Maddy- "Wait mom!" "So you mean to tell me that once a month for like one week straight, for the rest of my life, I am gonna bleed?" yes, honey....that is the case. And, if that isn't the case, you and me will be having a whole other conversation and it wont be anything as nice as this one is! Her response to this 30 minute conversation was this "We can not tell my sisters this.......they are so not ready to hear this!" Deal! I won't say a word!

At that moment I researched a better way to tell my other children about this in the future and discovered the #1 book from American Girl Doll "The Care and Keeping of You" I bought it, read it, gave it to my oldest, told her to read it and pass it down the line and if she had any questions that they will have a "period class" in 5th grade and she could ask anything she wanted to.

THIS IS A MUST HAVE FOR YOUR GIRLS!!

3 talks down.........1 to go and I really hope we don't lose this book!

I wonder if anyone else had any problems explaining this to their kids. Next up, I have to have the aaarrrrgggghhhhh   "sex"    talk with the kids. Not once but X's 4.  I wonder if there is a book out there for that? hmmm???

~LIVE~LAUGH~LOVE~

Thanks for checking in!

Miss ~V~

The Perfectly Placed Pooper

I sit in my 10x9 office for the majority of the day. Most days this could be due to being very busy or could be to lack of motivation. Today however is a different day. Today I sit for inspiration! Well, maybe not for inspiration but I am sure feeling inspired to blog about the perfectly placed pooper. I measured the just distance between my office and the mens pooper......6ft 5in. The very unfortunate thing with man pooh is that the scent lingers forever on average 29.7ft. See the problem?

My office feels like it is inside the potty room!

Let me include for you a few things I have experienced over the years from sitting next to the mans poop station and some proper etiquette for using a public restroom.....
1. Do not announce to anyone you are about to "tear it up"
2. If you are using a public facility, do not carry in with you the trader paper, field and stream, maxim, daily news, or anything you can read. There is no reason to make the process take any longer than it needs to.
3. It is impolite to grunt
4. You can camo-cough when you plop if you'd like to but.....we all know what that means
5. Courtesy Flush (more than once) and in case if you are wondering the definition of a courtesy flush: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
6.They make matches for multiple reasons. Your pooh is not flammable, you will not catch fire, light one (or 2) to remove stinch
7. Make sure you checked for toilet paper before you sit down. Asking me/anyone for it after you're done is not fair or sanitary.
8. Always wash your hands when you're done. You should always know what color and scent the soap is just in case you are asked!!!!
9. Last, DO NOT EVER walk out of the bathroom and apologize!!! Just move on, let it go, and pretend it never happened!!
I hope this will give you some insight and help you gain a little respect for the one who sits 6.5ft away from the stink room.

Same as the camo-cough

SHOES! SHOES! SHOES!

Lucky you, you have caught me on a very temperamental day because of the talk of snow. Due to nature...grrr, this blog will be an experience for you I am sure since today, I could throw a lot of honesty out there and I think I will. SO.....Let me tell you about my shoes :)
This would be a great time for anyone I have ever dated to exit the blog!
                        ~and I am sure since I said that, you're going no where!~
"My shoes" are not your regular shoes. My shoes are actually found in the dictionary, they have a meaning to them! I wear a lot of different shoes and almost every day they have a heel :)  I like boots, stilettos, moccasins, flats, slippers, running shoes......oh I just love shoes! Oh Wait....I just said it didn't I?....."running shoes." This is the meaning/definition behind all of my shoes, any one pair of my shoes, they all have the same definition! '''''V's Shoes- (adjective) to run.....away, Very. Far. Away. Very. Fast.'''''
Now this is something my girlfriends and I joke about a lot. A lot, A lot actually. Have you ever seen the movie 'Runaway Bride' or 'How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days'? I suppose these movies could be used to best describes me. I am a perfect combination of the 2 movies! And, hey.....if I could be Julia Roberts or Kate Hudson or have Richard Gere or Matthew McConaughey I may be different but I am not and I do not.
My problem I believe stems from a divorce (such and ugly word) but this is where it comes from um....maybe a few other things as well like bad friends, liars, cheaters, and thieves, but either way this is not to intended to be used as ~V's~ on the couch speaking to my followers asking for counseling but, rather a comical share of my life.
You see, as I start a relationship, it's the honeymoon phase I love so much! I am wearing my heels everyday not running, I got a fresh new bounce in my step, always smiling, texting, talking on the phone all night long, ya know fun stuff! The newness of everything, the learning new things about someone else and getting those marvelous feelings and questions like I wonder how my family will like him? Will my friends dig him? In my case, would my kids think he is cool or will they throw water balloons at him when they meet him and tell me he's stupid and ugly and blah blah blah yada yada yada? Could he really be the one???" OK! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! BAMM!!! THERE IT IS......THAT IS WHERE IT ENDED FOR ME!!! The one, bahahahahahahaha oh yeah that is some funny shit stuff right there! If you are gonna use that terminology with me, you may as well have just tied my laces up tight for me! DONE! At this point, I have turned into Kate Hudson and am figuring out how to lose a guy in 10 days by talking myself out of it.....through my friends. I will say, "this wont work because, I don't think I like the octave of his voice or, he lives to far away or, I think one ear is bigger than the other or, he drives a chevy", etc. nothing that should really matter at all but you name it, my friends have heard it! And their response is always the same ~V~ has put her running shoes on again! Who's turn was it to hide them? :'( And the problem really is I "THINK" I want to get married and spend everyday with my best friend but I cant! You just freaked me the freak out with that "one" word I am halfway to Texas by now. I remember growing up and someone would be drinking a Mt. Dew (for instance) and they would say "I love Mt. Dew" and someone else would say "well then why don't you marry it?" Why can't it be that easy? Why do the shoes come on and take me running?

I think there is an old saying that goes something like Onions, onions are like people or people are like layers, you have to peel them to get to the inside...wait, no no....that's not the saying I am looking for! Maybe its, everyone is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out the ones worth going through the pain for.......I lost my thought.....but essentially, what I am trying to say is that, I just have to meet the guy that is willing to burn every pair of shoes in a size 7 1/2 or 8 and at that very moment I will have realized I met the excuse me while i throw up "one" Until then I will just continue accepting the fact that I grew up with brothers and think like a man! hehe ;)

I must say, I was really scared to post this blog so let me end by saying; My blogs are for entertainment AND in the name of New Years Resolutions, I have vowed to put my shoes in a safe and give my friends the combination so now only they can get them out when I need to run! Good thing I bought the bullet proof kind of safe.....just in case ;)

Miss~V~

Live your life like someone left the gate open!

Hi, my name is Miss~V~ and I am a Pinterest Addict!

I was chatting with a male friend of mine the other day when I asked how his wife was doing. Without skipping a beat he says, "I don't see her much since she got this Pinteresting account" It took me a half of a second to figure out that he was talking about PINTEREST!! Haha I say, I love that website! And, he proceeds with a "is your house starting to look like a damn craft fair also? And, are you forcing your kids to eat these new recipes just because it had 46 re-pins? And, do all your deserts and meals now need to look like something that came out of a magazine? And, do you scroll to the bottom of the page and then start back at the top all over again just in case something you really need to do was just added to the board?"

AND THEN IT HITS ME.......I AM NOT ALONE!!!!! and furthermore, I believe his wife and I could possibly become best friends!

I now know for 100% certainty that I am not alone in this addiction to pinterest! I may seriously be having withdrawals right now as I type because I have given myself a timeout from pinterest.....A ONE DAY TIMEOUT :'(  Which has got me thinking..... Do you think there is a way to pass crack through the computer? It sure seems like the minute I log on, Pinterest passes me crack and I am hooked and addicted for the whole day (btw & fyi, I have never done crack I am simply stating it must be something like this). I am currently searching for a specific research company that is offering a "pintervention" for my "pinterdiction" although truth be told, I would not take it if I did find a company to help. I am over the moon for this Pinterest!

 Speaking of crack.....I was at my daughters basketball game when I stumbled upon this and could not resist pulling out the camera phone! Now why would anyone want to try this so called crack thing?



Unleash the Beast....Awesome!


Enjoy your day today because you are NOT promised a tomorrow!

Miss~V~

So this is how it starts!

Welcome to day 1 of blogging with me, ~V~. I wanted to start my first post by telling you a lil about myself. Actually, no I don't....I don't have a clue who will be reading this stuff so I will start small! Hi, I am Vannessa, you can call me V. For a very long time I have considered "blogging." It seems a harmless way to get all of my thoughts out and maybe even vent a little bit (which I find amazing to do) but, the truth is, I have 4 kids that keep me so busy I have feared I would not have the time for it. So for the New Year, I have vowed to make twenty twelve a little bit more for me! *YAY* So on to a current situation for your enjoyment....

As I mentioned, I am a mother to 4 children....here we are!



I love, love, love black and white photos!!

I wanted to start this new year and 1st blog out on a positive note so I have a lil story to share. After an incident that was all over the news about a young girl who had taken her own life due to bullying, a friend of mine had posted about how she had challenged her children to put a stop to "bullying." (she is a better mom than I could ever imagine being) anyway, I loved her idea so I decided to challenge my kiddos as well. The goal was to welcome new people into your life. To help the so called 'underdog' and to make them realize they are special too. Ideas were to sit by them at lunch, tell them you liked their outfit, invite them to play with you at recess etc. I am very happy to report that almost 2 months later we still sit down and discuss the daily "end-bullying" challenge. I have heard everything from I stopped to help someone pick up their books after someone else knocked them out of their hands to I picked so-n-so 1st to be on my football team at recess!
While all of these stories have impressed me, I had one that just took the cake for me! My oldest daughter is in 8th grade and some of her friends have questioned her most recent behavior so she explained to them about the challenge and all of her friends agreed to take the challenge as well! She is in the "popular/athletic" group at the Junior High so this gesture has made me so proud of her entire group of friends. This is the group that could be the problem but yet has vowed to end the problem :) Yes success!!!

Anyway, I have this thing called as job I have got to get to so I hope you have enjoyed my 1st blog ever and will come back for more!

Enjoy your day today because you are not promised a tomorrow!

Miss~V~