"Would you date your brothers ex?"

The questions are rolling in.....I love it....Thanks!!

Dear V,
Would you date your brothers ex?
-Curious and would like your input

Dear curious,
I am going to answer this question using the term "brother's ex" even though I am a straight female.

First of all, I don't care how hot my brothers ex is, she is an ex therefore I HATE HER STINKING GUTS!!! Don't you hate the ex/skank/loser/two-timer/etc. as much as your brother does? This is my family, my blood, and there is a reason they are no longer together and chances are, it was not my brothers fault......at least in my mind! I believe that there is a code of ethics that friends and family should live by. If I had her 1st, she is off limits! It's that simple. You have to grow up and take into consideration feelings of others at some point in your life. Besides that.....gross! Ewww.....to boldly go where your brother has already been.....and you're gonna put your mouth on that or on what? There is only one thing I would be able to think about while even attempting it.....my sibling and that my friend is about as bad is it can possibly be. There are reasons God gave us siblings and friends. They are there for you when no one else is. They pick you up when you fall. I know from a personal standpoint that neither my family or my friends would ever cross that line. Furthermore, they know that if they did.....we are enemies! In fact, if I hate someone, they hate said someone. Hate is a strong word but the quickest way to become hated is to hurt my family or my friends. We may have never even met but if you hurt them, gloves are off!

For a moment ask yourself this question.......how would I feel if my brother decided to date one of my ex's? I am pretty sure the "seeing red" feeling is coming out, the body temp is rising to a boiling point, the fist clench instantly. It is not an emotion you can help and you're not supposed to be able to do so. It is part of being a human. There is however an emotion you can help and that is the beginning stage of a relationship and "lust." You never should have allowed yourself to get to the point that you are interested in your brothers ex on any level other than "your brothers girlfriend or whats now become ex." How enjoyable family Christmas shall be. "Mom, dad, you remember so-n-so......oh yes, you're the one that screwed over my OTHER son.....would you like some mashed potatoes or stuffing?" *awkward*

Bottom line is it is wrong. There are millions of other girls out there in this world that are 100 times better than this option. But, if you feel it is an absolute necessity, at least be man enough to confront your brother before you make such a move. Get his permission respectfully. You don't want to end up on the next episode of Jerry Springer, its a tacky show! If you have his permission than do what you must but there will never be a day when it is ok to talk about how she is in bed or her emotions or really anything about your relationship. And, if you feel like being that brave, be fully prepared to take a hard punch to the face and get knocked the f*** out and understand you are to stand still and take it like a man. You deserve it!!

Good luck!!
Miss ~V~

Relationship Q&A

So I asked a question on facebook the other day.....tell me your situation or ask me something that I can put my opinion on. I am soooo ready to open this up!

Dear V, How can I deal with after 9 years of being with someone who wouldn't commit and a very hard breakup, I saw him with a much younger hotter girl and wanted to cry and throw up at the same time.

Sweet!!! I love relationship questions! hehehe

Dear under confident and hurt, (and yes, I delegated you that name all by myself)

Here is the problem.....9 years and no commitment? WTF are you so upset about? Is it the fact that you gave him 9 years and he wouldn't give you anything in return or is it the fact that you wasted the last 9 years of your life and you'll never get them back? There is a commitment level every couple achieves! For some it takes a while, for others it takes no time at all. 9 years my friend is a little ridiculous! I personally don't feel you should be upset in a hurt form. Pissed off, yeah maybe but not just at him....you did let it go on for that long!! That fact that he is with a much younger woman should tell you something....."he has zero intent of ever committing" that is why he has to go younger! 9 years from now she will be wondering the same thing you are. As for her being hotter......dearest.....get your confidence back up and take a second look! You'll find, she is only hotter because your down on yourself. Also,as I said in my last blog "our parents taught us very well to share and throw away our broken toys! He's broken....he's a toy.....throw him away.....let her have him! There are plenty of other men out there that will settle down and commit to being on the same level as you want to be. In fact, you spent way to much time waiting for him to get on the same level as you! You are hurting right now and I understand that so it is time to pick yourself up and do what every other woman does when they get their heart broke! Call your girlfriends, hire some strippers, drink way to much wine, and get yourself some strange......everybody needs a lil strange!!! hahaha no I am just kidding.......don't hire strippers! Actually, you're single.....do what you want! It is a beautiful thing. You officially only have to answer to yourself! Take some time to get to know yourself because after spending the last 9 years trying to get someone to commit to marriage, you probably have no clue who you are anymore!
Once you feel you know and love yourself again, get back out there! Its a huge world of fish out there but watch out for crabs .......sharks! And when you do, don't look to 1-up your ex......find someone true....someone you love.....someone on the same page. And then, when you see your ex, use that big beautiful confident smile every time you see him. It's your way to let him know "you're doing so much better without him!" And if that smile doesn't work, God also gave you 2 middle fingers.....and who doesn't like a lil sign language in their lives! Let em fly!!!

Valentine's Day!!!

I felt like since tomorrow is Valentines day I should throw something together real quick. First a message for my single friends, "DO NOT get upset or jealous over what your ex is getting his new girl/guy. Our parents taught us very well to share and to throw away our broken toys. There is nothing wrong with letting him/her have your broken old run down toy! Also, let the couples have their day......the other 364 are all ours!!!!"

Now, don't get me wrong with what I am about to say, I love, love, love, getting flowers sent to me. I think it is the most romantic thing a guy can do for you. It just says "I am thinking about you in the most amazing way!" However, I think Valentines day is the STUPIDEST holiday we celebrate! Really, one day a year to dedicate to the one you love? What happens on the other 364 days? Its ludicrous! Send me flowers on one of the other days of the year that isn't my birthday, mothers day, or valentines day and guess what....I am impressed!!! And for you ladies, when is the last time you sent your man flowers? I know it sounds stupid but instead of waiting at work or home for your flowers to arrive why don't you wait at home or work for your man to call you and say "you've totally embarrassed and flattered me today.....I love you sooooo much!" Woohoo guess who is getting lucky tonight? oohhh laa-laa mmm hmmm Guess who has to do the "you know what" for you tonight! Turn those tables girl and make him thank you! How fun it would have to be, to be the FedEx guy that gets to deliver all those packages to your guy! "ummmm here ya go dude" *awkward* I wonder if the FedEx guy ever gets flowers himself "special delivery to............me"

Just for you, I have enclosed some do's and dont's I thought you may enjoy! I will leave it up to you to decide which ones are the do's and the dont's


Here are some pick-up lines....yes I have heard them all..... and for the record.....only one of them worked!

*Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cause I could see myself in your pants.
*I'm a hurdle, do you want to jump me?
*Was your father a thief? 'cause someone stole the stars from the sky to put in your eyes.
*Should I call you in the morning or nudge you
*Sex is a killer... want to die happy?
*If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
*Nice shoes, wanna shag?
*How about a pizza and a shag? What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
*Smile if you want to sleep with me. ding ding ding winner winner!!! How do you not smile at that!?!?!?!?!
*Come over and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.
*That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed
*I reckon your the worst person to play hide and seek with?? cause theres nowhere on earth that can hide your beauty
*You just went to the top of my to-do list
*You just turned my software into hardware
*Do you have a library card? Cause I'm checking you out

 If you bought your girl the following Valentines day gifts......take them back immediately!


1. Lingerie.....First of all, Valentines day is not all about getting laid but you sure did just make her feel like that is all you give a damn about! And, God help you son if you have purchased the wrong size! What a way to ruin your womans confidence.....3 negatives can come from this A, "she can't fit into this sexy crap" or B, "did you really think that she was that huge you inconsiderate bastard?" and C, couch for you and no nukie bahaha!!

2. Vacuum cleaner.....nothing says I love you more than "woman clean the damn house!" hahaa boy, make your bed on the couch!!

3. Anything related to working out! Scales, treadmills, bikes, workout DVD's etc. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to make the love of your life feel like she's beyond perfect in your mind. You want to aim for romance, unconditional love and devotion. But the message you're sending with a fitness, diet or other self-help gift is "If you weren't such a blankety blank blank, you'd be getting flowers and chocolate. Sorry, better luck next year."

4. Something for yourself.....examples; X Box, Playstation, Wii, OMG you are dead in the water......There is no way to switch that to a gift for her. There will be no way to convince her that you want her to play video games with you! On the flip side, you'll have a more pleasant night on the couch!

5. The worst possible thing you could show up with on Valentines day is......NOTHING! No matter what show up with something. Even if it is a homemade card! If you walk into that with nothing you may as well have just taken the front line of US Army going to battle! Couch....you should be so lucky!

Happy Valentines day to all you love birds,

Miss ~V~

The "Talk" X's 4

I was listening to a little Eric Church the other day when his song "two pink lines" came on. Well, inspired again! It really got me thinking about the "period talk."

As I have said or most of you know, I have 4 daughters. I don't get to have the period talk just once......it's 4 times! My mother did NOT give me the talk and I see why! I will never forget the horrific day I got my period. I was 15, riding the school bus, wearing white pants! WHY DOES A PERIOD ONLY COME ON WHITE PANTS DAY :'( At any rate, the only good thing to come from this story is that I was riding the bus home for the day. However, the maximum occupancy of a school bus is like 87 people or so and on that day I wish I rode the short bus! I only sat in the back of the bus....which meant I had to walk to the front of the bus with what once were bright white now spotted pants on. This I tell you is devastating to a 15 year old child. I ran in the house, called my mother at work and said "thanks a freaking lot, you've ruined my life!" I'm pretty sure that is not the 1st nor the last time I told her that. (Suddenly, I am starting to understand my teenager)

So, to prevent ruining my own kids lives I sat my oldest daughter down at the age of 9 (because I had no idea what the appropriate age was to do this) and honestly I really thought this talk would be a whole lot easier than it was.I was so embarrassed. My face was beat red, I was sweating, and I couldn't help but breathe like I was hyperventilating. I will never forget this day, or how I worded it.

"Ok, sweetie.....we need to have a talk. What I am about to tell you is going to be shocking and cause you to have a lot of questions. As you know, you're getting older. You're body is going to go through some changes.....very drastic changes. You will start getting skeeter bites. Wait, wait......not skeeter bites like you're not gonna get bit please don't freak out. It's just my way of saying booooo.....um brea....ummmmm....how do you scare a bee? BOO-BEE! Yep, you're gonna get boo-bee's. Ummmm also, you will start getting really emotional. You will probably cry a lot. Throw things. Slam your door, Yell at everyone you see, cry some more and, just keep crying. But, this is all for a reason. You're gonna get a period" Mom?What? Ok, please let me finish this is hard enough without you interrupting me! You can ask questions later. "It's called a period. It means you will bleed from the area of privacy.....oh God, I don't mean like bleed, bleed like gush, gush I mean like a coffee pot drip. You will have to wear something to catch the drip ya know. They are called pads. This will happen every month for about 5-7 days and basically, this is all part of a change your body goes through to prepare itself to have children. OK? Do you have any question? and came the awkward silence...................................................ok, I am gonna go then. Talk to ya later!     Maddy- "Wait mom!" "So you mean to tell me that once a month for like one week straight, for the rest of my life, I am gonna bleed?" yes, honey....that is the case. And, if that isn't the case, you and me will be having a whole other conversation and it wont be anything as nice as this one is! Her response to this 30 minute conversation was this "We can not tell my sisters this.......they are so not ready to hear this!" Deal! I won't say a word!

At that moment I researched a better way to tell my other children about this in the future and discovered the #1 book from American Girl Doll "The Care and Keeping of You" I bought it, read it, gave it to my oldest, told her to read it and pass it down the line and if she had any questions that they will have a "period class" in 5th grade and she could ask anything she wanted to.

THIS IS A MUST HAVE FOR YOUR GIRLS!!

3 talks down.........1 to go and I really hope we don't lose this book!

I wonder if anyone else had any problems explaining this to their kids. Next up, I have to have the aaarrrrgggghhhhh   "sex"    talk with the kids. Not once but X's 4.  I wonder if there is a book out there for that? hmmm???

~LIVE~LAUGH~LOVE~

Thanks for checking in!

Miss ~V~

The Perfectly Placed Pooper

I sit in my 10x9 office for the majority of the day. Most days this could be due to being very busy or could be to lack of motivation. Today however is a different day. Today I sit for inspiration! Well, maybe not for inspiration but I am sure feeling inspired to blog about the perfectly placed pooper. I measured the just distance between my office and the mens pooper......6ft 5in. The very unfortunate thing with man pooh is that the scent lingers forever on average 29.7ft. See the problem?

My office feels like it is inside the potty room!

Let me include for you a few things I have experienced over the years from sitting next to the mans poop station and some proper etiquette for using a public restroom.....
1. Do not announce to anyone you are about to "tear it up"
2. If you are using a public facility, do not carry in with you the trader paper, field and stream, maxim, daily news, or anything you can read. There is no reason to make the process take any longer than it needs to.
3. It is impolite to grunt
4. You can camo-cough when you plop if you'd like to but.....we all know what that means
5. Courtesy Flush (more than once) and in case if you are wondering the definition of a courtesy flush: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
6.They make matches for multiple reasons. Your pooh is not flammable, you will not catch fire, light one (or 2) to remove stinch
7. Make sure you checked for toilet paper before you sit down. Asking me/anyone for it after you're done is not fair or sanitary.
8. Always wash your hands when you're done. You should always know what color and scent the soap is just in case you are asked!!!!
9. Last, DO NOT EVER walk out of the bathroom and apologize!!! Just move on, let it go, and pretend it never happened!!
I hope this will give you some insight and help you gain a little respect for the one who sits 6.5ft away from the stink room.

Same as the camo-cough

SHOES! SHOES! SHOES!

Lucky you, you have caught me on a very temperamental day because of the talk of snow. Due to nature...grrr, this blog will be an experience for you I am sure since today, I could throw a lot of honesty out there and I think I will. SO.....Let me tell you about my shoes :)
This would be a great time for anyone I have ever dated to exit the blog!
                        ~and I am sure since I said that, you're going no where!~
"My shoes" are not your regular shoes. My shoes are actually found in the dictionary, they have a meaning to them! I wear a lot of different shoes and almost every day they have a heel :)  I like boots, stilettos, moccasins, flats, slippers, running shoes......oh I just love shoes! Oh Wait....I just said it didn't I?....."running shoes." This is the meaning/definition behind all of my shoes, any one pair of my shoes, they all have the same definition! '''''V's Shoes- (adjective) to run.....away, Very. Far. Away. Very. Fast.'''''
Now this is something my girlfriends and I joke about a lot. A lot, A lot actually. Have you ever seen the movie 'Runaway Bride' or 'How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days'? I suppose these movies could be used to best describes me. I am a perfect combination of the 2 movies! And, hey.....if I could be Julia Roberts or Kate Hudson or have Richard Gere or Matthew McConaughey I may be different but I am not and I do not.
My problem I believe stems from a divorce (such and ugly word) but this is where it comes from um....maybe a few other things as well like bad friends, liars, cheaters, and thieves, but either way this is not to intended to be used as ~V's~ on the couch speaking to my followers asking for counseling but, rather a comical share of my life.
You see, as I start a relationship, it's the honeymoon phase I love so much! I am wearing my heels everyday not running, I got a fresh new bounce in my step, always smiling, texting, talking on the phone all night long, ya know fun stuff! The newness of everything, the learning new things about someone else and getting those marvelous feelings and questions like I wonder how my family will like him? Will my friends dig him? In my case, would my kids think he is cool or will they throw water balloons at him when they meet him and tell me he's stupid and ugly and blah blah blah yada yada yada? Could he really be the one???" OK! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! BAMM!!! THERE IT IS......THAT IS WHERE IT ENDED FOR ME!!! The one, bahahahahahahaha oh yeah that is some funny shit stuff right there! If you are gonna use that terminology with me, you may as well have just tied my laces up tight for me! DONE! At this point, I have turned into Kate Hudson and am figuring out how to lose a guy in 10 days by talking myself out of it.....through my friends. I will say, "this wont work because, I don't think I like the octave of his voice or, he lives to far away or, I think one ear is bigger than the other or, he drives a chevy", etc. nothing that should really matter at all but you name it, my friends have heard it! And their response is always the same ~V~ has put her running shoes on again! Who's turn was it to hide them? :'( And the problem really is I "THINK" I want to get married and spend everyday with my best friend but I cant! You just freaked me the freak out with that "one" word I am halfway to Texas by now. I remember growing up and someone would be drinking a Mt. Dew (for instance) and they would say "I love Mt. Dew" and someone else would say "well then why don't you marry it?" Why can't it be that easy? Why do the shoes come on and take me running?

I think there is an old saying that goes something like Onions, onions are like people or people are like layers, you have to peel them to get to the inside...wait, no no....that's not the saying I am looking for! Maybe its, everyone is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out the ones worth going through the pain for.......I lost my thought.....but essentially, what I am trying to say is that, I just have to meet the guy that is willing to burn every pair of shoes in a size 7 1/2 or 8 and at that very moment I will have realized I met the excuse me while i throw up "one" Until then I will just continue accepting the fact that I grew up with brothers and think like a man! hehe ;)

I must say, I was really scared to post this blog so let me end by saying; My blogs are for entertainment AND in the name of New Years Resolutions, I have vowed to put my shoes in a safe and give my friends the combination so now only they can get them out when I need to run! Good thing I bought the bullet proof kind of safe.....just in case ;)

Miss~V~

Live your life like someone left the gate open!

Hi, my name is Miss~V~ and I am a Pinterest Addict!

I was chatting with a male friend of mine the other day when I asked how his wife was doing. Without skipping a beat he says, "I don't see her much since she got this Pinteresting account" It took me a half of a second to figure out that he was talking about PINTEREST!! Haha I say, I love that website! And, he proceeds with a "is your house starting to look like a damn craft fair also? And, are you forcing your kids to eat these new recipes just because it had 46 re-pins? And, do all your deserts and meals now need to look like something that came out of a magazine? And, do you scroll to the bottom of the page and then start back at the top all over again just in case something you really need to do was just added to the board?"

AND THEN IT HITS ME.......I AM NOT ALONE!!!!! and furthermore, I believe his wife and I could possibly become best friends!

I now know for 100% certainty that I am not alone in this addiction to pinterest! I may seriously be having withdrawals right now as I type because I have given myself a timeout from pinterest.....A ONE DAY TIMEOUT :'(  Which has got me thinking..... Do you think there is a way to pass crack through the computer? It sure seems like the minute I log on, Pinterest passes me crack and I am hooked and addicted for the whole day (btw & fyi, I have never done crack I am simply stating it must be something like this). I am currently searching for a specific research company that is offering a "pintervention" for my "pinterdiction" although truth be told, I would not take it if I did find a company to help. I am over the moon for this Pinterest!

 Speaking of crack.....I was at my daughters basketball game when I stumbled upon this and could not resist pulling out the camera phone! Now why would anyone want to try this so called crack thing?



Unleash the Beast....Awesome!


Enjoy your day today because you are NOT promised a tomorrow!

Miss~V~