Now, don't get me wrong with what I am about to say, I love, love, love, getting flowers sent to me. I think it is the most romantic thing a guy can do for you. It just says "I am thinking about you in the most amazing way!" However, I think Valentines day is the STUPIDEST holiday we celebrate! Really, one day a year to dedicate to the one you love? What happens on the other 364 days? Its ludicrous! Send me flowers on one of the other days of the year that isn't my birthday, mothers day, or valentines day and guess what....I am impressed!!! And for you ladies, when is the last time you sent your man flowers? I know it sounds stupid but instead of waiting at work or home for your flowers to arrive why don't you wait at home or work for your man to call you and say "you've totally embarrassed and flattered me today.....I love you sooooo much!" Woohoo guess who is getting lucky tonight? oohhh laa-laa mmm hmmm Guess who has to do the "you know what" for you tonight! Turn those tables girl and make him thank you! How fun it would have to be, to be the FedEx guy that gets to deliver all those packages to your guy! "ummmm here ya go dude" *awkward* I wonder if the FedEx guy ever gets flowers himself "special delivery to............me"
Just for you, I have enclosed some do's and dont's I thought you may enjoy! I will leave it up to you to decide which ones are the do's and the dont's
Here are some pick-up lines....yes I have heard them all..... and for the record.....only one of them worked!
*Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cause I could see myself in your pants.
*I'm a hurdle, do you want to jump me?
*Was your father a thief? 'cause someone stole the stars from the sky to put in your eyes.
*Should I call you in the morning or nudge you
*Sex is a killer... want to die happy?
*If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
*Nice shoes, wanna shag?
*How about a pizza and a shag? What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
*Smile if you want to sleep with me. ding ding ding winner winner!!! How do you not smile at that!?!?!?!?!
*Come over and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.
*That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed
*I reckon your the worst person to play hide and seek with?? cause theres nowhere on earth that can hide your beauty
*You just went to the top of my to-do list
*You just turned my software into hardware
*Do you have a library card? Cause I'm checking you out
If you bought your girl the following Valentines day gifts......take them back immediately!
1. Lingerie.....First of all, Valentines day is not all about getting laid but you sure did just make her feel like that is all you give a damn about! And, God help you son if you have purchased the wrong size! What a way to ruin your womans confidence.....3 negatives can come from this A, "she can't fit into this sexy crap" or B, "did you really think that she was that huge you inconsiderate bastard?" and C, couch for you and no nukie bahaha!!
2. Vacuum cleaner.....nothing says I love you more than "woman clean the damn house!" hahaa boy, make your bed on the couch!!
3. Anything related to working out! Scales, treadmills, bikes, workout DVD's etc. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to make the love of your life feel like she's beyond perfect in your mind. You want to aim for romance, unconditional love and devotion. But the message you're sending with a fitness, diet or other self-help gift is "If you weren't such a blankety blank blank, you'd be getting flowers and chocolate. Sorry, better luck next year."
4. Something for yourself.....examples; X Box, Playstation, Wii, OMG you are dead in the water......There is no way to switch that to a gift for her. There will be no way to convince her that you want her to play video games with you! On the flip side, you'll have a more pleasant night on the couch!
5. The worst possible thing you could show up with on Valentines day is......NOTHING! No matter what show up with something. Even if it is a homemade card! If you walk into that with nothing you may as well have just taken the front line of US Army going to battle! Couch....you should be so lucky!
Happy Valentines day to all you love birds,
Miss ~V~
No comments:
Post a Comment